1. Commit Like Crazy I recently read a magazine article
declaring that "Busy" is the new "Fine". It used to be that when someone asked,
"How are you?" we'd reply by saying, "Fine". Now, when we are asked that same question we
reply, "Busy!!" We take some
strange delight in describing our busyness to others, as if having all these
commitments somehow validates our lives or means that we are living richer,
more meaningful lives than if we were not "busy". Add this new behaviour to one that many women
struggle with--"nice" women don't say "no". When friends, relatives, employers make
requests of us we say "yes" to all kinds of things we don't really
want to do, giving away time in our lives to things that actually leave us
feeling depleted both physically and emotionally. We are on the run so much that we begin to
feel like our life is "crazy" or out of control. When it comes to looking after ourselves, "I
don't have time" becomes our common refrain. As the stress builds an awakening woman
begins to ask, "When is it time for me?"
2. Lose Focus
Many women have a tendency to focus on the needs of others more than
themselves. They may become strongly identified
with the role of caretaker--as a mother, daughter, spouse, pet-owner, friend. The needs of significant others in their life
come before their own. Women may also
become strongly identified with their role in the workplace. "You can always count on Sue to do it." In time, over-identification with the needs
of others becomes an unfulfilling pattern, and women no longer know what their own
needs and desires are, or how to meet them.
This subconsciously creates a form of distress that women begin to carry
with them throughout their day, the underlying question being "Whose
life is it anyway?"
3. Ignore "The Whisper" You know the one. That
little voice women have inside of them that has often been called "women's
intuition". Women know things. And they become privy to that form of wisdom
when they listen to "the whisper".
Women are inclined to listen to that voice when it comes to wisdom they
have available to share with their children, their best friend, even the
stranger they met while waiting in their doctor's office. But they have a tendency to repress the
wisdom that speaks of the stirring of their own heart, the voice that anxiously
asks, "Is this all there is? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be
doing with my life? What am I really passionate about?"
Some Solutions
If you're asking, "When is it time for me?" here's
a tip: You don't need to get up 15
minutes earlier or stay up 15 minutes later.
Instead, the next time you're about to add something to your agenda for
the day simply ask yourself, "Is this something I really want/need
to do? Does this activity serve someone
else and serve me? Or does it
simply add to my "busy score" for the day?" As you address these questions honestly and
act on the answers truthfully, the time will appear as unnecessary commitments
begin to vanish.
So..."whose life is it anyway?" Have you lost focus to the point that you
don't even know what you'd do with that time for you if you had it? Start a list of things you'd love to do if
you had an unscheduled hour appear in your day.
Bake cookies? Read a
book/magazine/blog? Go for a run in the
park? Plan a trip (real or imaginary)?
Swim? Then set a goal to do one of the things on your list this week. Nourish your soul and it will respond by
reminding you how good it feels to be you.
"Is this all there is?" you ask. Listen to your heart. One of the easiest ways to do that is to
learn to meditate. It's not that big a
deal. Simply sit quietly by yourself
(lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to!) and focus on your breathing,
slowly breathing in and out as you relax your body from head to toe. Do this for 5-10-15 minutes in the morning
and/or before you go to bed at night.
Your life will change as your focus sharpens, your thoughts become
clearer, and making decisions becomes easier.
This is how you begin to connect with your wisdom from within.
One of the most powerful and transformative ways I know to
address the three common mistakes women over 30 make that create stress and
anxiety in their lives is to participate
in a Passions and Priorities Workshop. Using the Passion Test you'll engage in a
simple but powerful process to identify your top five passions, getting clear
about what's really most important to you at this stage of your life. You'll not only hear "the
whisper"--you'll gain clarity as your life priorities come into
focus. In addition, you'll learn a
simple strategy to use that will prevent you from making those crazy
commitments that eat up your time--time you could be spending on living your
passions! I invite you to join me for
this fun and exciting workshop on Saturday,
April 12 from 9:00 to 12:00. Contact me for further details.
Because your time is now.
